HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
