I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
