it's too hot outside to masturbate.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
