I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize