whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
well you can't waste a boner
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
