You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
