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Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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