Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
