I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
