I love black thongs
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The air was thick with penises
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
