saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
