Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
