They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize