So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize