What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
