She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
