Please, let me fuck your mom
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
