i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize