i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
