from now on my penis is your penis
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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