I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
