a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
