I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
