Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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