ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
