so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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