Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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