I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
