My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
