I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
