I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
