If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can I color on your dick again?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
