dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
