Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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