Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
