she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
