I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
