her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
