I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
