i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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