What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
