My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
