I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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