I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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