Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
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