from now on my penis is your penis
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
