I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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