also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we're so committed to being not committed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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