Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
