i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
be right there i have to get my cape
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
