Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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