It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
