WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
