I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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