I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
