Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
