He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize