I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think a kid would responsible me up
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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