Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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