Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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