ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
