Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
