I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
