Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
