i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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