And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
