just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
