I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
