you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
