I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
