Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize