I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He better not be in your backpack
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
