I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
