i barfeds in our rink
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
