So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
