wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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