just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Randomize
