I have demons in me.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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