You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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