Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize