I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
