My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
