I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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