I cannot find my penis.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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