You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just invented taco cereal.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
