"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
