my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
