I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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