this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
