look no pants
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We left the knife in your bed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
